A lot of my friends are going through the same thing Abe and I are...getting ready for deployment. I'm hearing and reading more stories about the preparations being made in their households and thought I would share my little not-so-pleasant story, too.
The other day as Abe was getting his Dress Blues (his fanciest Army suit) ready for his picture to be taken in them the next day, he called me into the bathroom. He wanted me to see them and know that he wanted to be buried in them should "anything happen" while he's in Iraq. He also said that the CAO (casualty assistance officer) will make sure the uniform is squared away if I ask him to because that is part of his job.
I know all military couples have this same discussion or something similar. But ours was very matter-of-fact. Is it that way for everyone? Do we as military spouses become desensitized to the fact that our spouse could be killed at any given moment while off at war? I'm not saying I wouldn't be devastated if that should happen to Abe in fact I would probably go past the point of no return. But these conversations we have from time to time in preparation of the worst just seem to be more and more commonplace.
Despite all the doom and gloom that comes along with the military way of life, I am so very proud of Abe and everything he has accomplished in his Army career. He has provided for our family in ways we never dreamt possible back when we were just starting out. And starting out for us meant college, work and living in a small house that was maybe 400 sq. ft. (with 4 pets) and that's no exaggeration. Back then I remember thinking how much $100 would help out. I know I'm guilty of taking a lot of things for granted and don't tell him enough how thankful I am for the sacrifices he makes.
THANKS, Boog, I love you.
11 comments:
I'm not much of a pray-er, but each day I spend a little time thinking of the sacrifices that people like Abe are making overseas every single day for us at home who can go weeks without giving it a second thought that thousands of people are thousands of miles away protecting us and the style of living we take for granted.
I think of their families at home and the fact that they are both willing and able to go on with life while thier loved ones are over there.
Beth, you are so much stronger than I. You are stronger for having the boys despite having to go at it alone for long stretches of time. Stronger for loving someone who can't always be there, knowing that there is a possibility that he may not ever be there.
I admire you and your family and all the other women (and the men) out there who are going through the same thing. If not for people like you I would be terrified for the future of my child and our country.
A million thank yous, a million hugs.
I don't know that I have become desensitized to the fact that Kevin could be killed, however I have found ways to think about it without really thinking about it...if that makes any sense. Actually,when we have those serious discussions I usually joke about it, which may seem disturbing to some people. But that is just the way I have learned to handle it without it consuming me. It is what it is, and you can't let it control your life. I think at some point you just learn how to live with it.
For this deployment, I have had many distractions to keep my mind off of everything negative about it and also denial. HAHA. Reality is beginning to set in, however I am really trying to hold that off until after finals!
Your second paragraph made my stomach turn. Don't take that in a negative way; it's just that I can so relate to it.
Desensitized is a good word...
It's weird that we talk about such things as funeral plans over pizza like it would be plans for a movie on Saturday night.
Such is life in the military.
Janet
You said it so perfectly and I feel the same way. Although, Robert isn't the one to bring things up, I am. God forbid something happened to Robert, I just want him to be as happy and content in death, as he has been in life. So, I constantly ask him questions to make sure I can make that happen.
Desensitized is a perfect word!
Getting me all choked up here girl. I don't want to think about it really....AARRRGGGG!!!
I honestly believe that when it's our time to go, we will go, be it flying in Iraq or driving down 190 in Killeen. I really try not think about it at all and believe it or not we really have never talked much about it. The only thing K ever said is that he wants to be buried somewhere where I'll visit. Why? I don't know but that was his only wish. The rest will be left on me unless he has it in his Will...which I have NEVER read too deeply into.
We all get the joy of holding one another up while they are gone and I pray they all come home safely like they did last time. :-)
I have a huge lump in my throat. Your love for him is so very evident in everything you write. I can tell you are a wonderful wife and you guys have a beautiful love!
desensitized is perfect. we talk about it matter of factly too and I know right down the the "T" what he will be wearing and what his wishes are. it's sad but they are very important things to talk about. good luck. i'm 7 months in already!
To all you military spouses I send my thoughts and prayers that these long risky separations build your love for one another stronger. I am thankful for all the sacrifices the military troops and families make for our freedom. God Bless the USA. mb from tc
I am feeling the same way. Things have become to easy to talk about. How many other 30 something's talk about burials? We don't even really talk about it that much anymore because it all becomes too painful after a while--too matter of fact.
Let's just say we all get together when these feelings overcome us. I will be here for you if you need me...
As a military spouse myself, I once had a conversation with my husband while he was deployed that went something like this.
"We were hit with an IED today."
"Is everyone ok?"
"No, I lost two."
"Do you have all your arms? Legs? Fingers?"
"Yeah, all my parts are still attached."
As if we were talking about the weather...
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